Thursday, February 5, 2009

Refusal of the Call: Step 2 of The Hero's Journey

Often when the call is given, the future hero refuses to heed it. This may be from a sense of duty or obligation, fear, insecurity, a sense of inadequacy, or any of a range of reasons that work to hold the person in his or her current circumstances.

I'm good at refusing the call. This comes naturally to me. A part of my brain bent on perfection kicks into gear and doesn't stop until I've convinced myself that it is impractical or foolhardy to continue. I can tap into this voice at any time. Look, here's how easy it is. Here is what I've heard at different times over the past four years when I started seriously considering setting a date for this Hero's Journey:

1. You are in debt and can't leave your job.
2. This is a stupid idea in the first place.
3. What are you going to do for a job afterward even if you do finish?
4. You know you are going to tire of doing this walk after a couple of weeks and give up.
5. You haven't been able to see anything through to completion in a long time. What makes you think you can do it now?
6. People aren't going to want to put a stranger up in their house for the night.
7. You are going to be too shy to talk to people and ask for their hospitality.
8. Only my friends will be interested in reading about my adventures. No one will want to publish a book you write ... even you even manage to finish.

I was able to access all of those negative messages in roughly 10.2 seconds. They are there on the tip of my cerebral cortex at all times. They are like barbarians at the gate, always looking to poke their Trojan Horse of negativity through the doors of my mind and get me to say, "Forget about it. I better off not take the chance and just keep doing what I'm doing."

Up until now. Those are three great words. They are words that I learned from Claire and from Dr. Lane and from those who have encouraged me that the patterns that I have played out in my past do not have to be the patterns I engage in the present. I have choice. I can choose to accept the call and align myself with positivity. I am moving forward one day at a time, heeding the call of the my true self - that part of me that has been a neglected outpost for so many years, guarded by the ruthless overlords of Negativity always dressed up in the innocent garb of Practicality. Fuck them. They can't scare me now.

I've moved past Refusal of the Call. I'm answering baby.

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